I waited for several days again because she left. I waited because I thought she might want to see me. I've actually messaged her the last time but she did not respond so I waited. Until I realized, I cannot do anything about that anymore. For days I am making myself busy being the business consultant of my grandfather. I am not going to type here several heartache issues about my life anymore. Just a few realizations and thoughts.
This morning I woke up and reflected on something that I wrote --> "To ache is to be alive". All I did for several days was to feel the intense pain of being left behind by the woman I fell in love with, online. It is positive because I went beyond loving someone from the real world where I'm at. I never decided to love her, it just happened. I was able to feel something, which I've always believed as one of the most impossible things that a man can ever feel. To love someone I haven't met. The feelings are as real as it can get for me, because that feeling of love is something that I rarely feel. I know the difference and I am too old for infatuation.
I hate the feeling of being left behind. And I felt the feeling of pain these past few days. I allowed it to break even the inner parts of my heart - - -my arteries and veins. I allowed it to destroy me until I found myself faced down in the ditch, then I raised myself from failure. I decided to change, not for someone, not for her, but for myself.
It's true, lessons can be learned from heartbreaks and true love. I decided to change so I can be whole again, become a real man, a real person.
I would just like to share the song that I have been singing and playing on my guitar this past few days. I can say it helped me release and overcome the pain.
Watch the video of the song below.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even
Her best days were some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...
No, it don't break
No, it don't break even, no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
(Oh glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(Oh I'm falling, falling)
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)
Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
This morning I woke up and reflected on something that I wrote --> "To ache is to be alive". All I did for several days was to feel the intense pain of being left behind by the woman I fell in love with, online. It is positive because I went beyond loving someone from the real world where I'm at. I never decided to love her, it just happened. I was able to feel something, which I've always believed as one of the most impossible things that a man can ever feel. To love someone I haven't met. The feelings are as real as it can get for me, because that feeling of love is something that I rarely feel. I know the difference and I am too old for infatuation.
I hate the feeling of being left behind. And I felt the feeling of pain these past few days. I allowed it to break even the inner parts of my heart - - -my arteries and veins. I allowed it to destroy me until I found myself faced down in the ditch, then I raised myself from failure. I decided to change, not for someone, not for her, but for myself.
It's true, lessons can be learned from heartbreaks and true love. I decided to change so I can be whole again, become a real man, a real person.
I would just like to share the song that I have been singing and playing on my guitar this past few days. I can say it helped me release and overcome the pain.
Watch the video of the song below.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even
Her best days were some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...
No, it don't break
No, it don't break even, no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
(Oh glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(Oh I'm falling, falling)
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)
Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no